Thank You Jill Munroe!

We all know the phrase:  "If I knew then what I know now things sure would have been different."  "Hindsight is 20/20" is another good one. 

The older I get the more I relate to these terms.  Never was this more evident to me than after taking our daughter to the American Girl Doll Store in Atlanta recently.  What a racket this place is.  This is a place where your little girl can take her doll into the store and you can pay twenty damn dollars to have her hair done.  Not a real person's hair!  It's a fucking doll!!  You can also buy the doll a new outfit and then get your daughter a matching one!!  The possibilities are endless. 

So I'm standing in the store trying to keep my two boys halfway entertained while the ladies get their "girly fix".  Now regardless of my metrosexual leanings I never played with dolls.  Well, unless you count the Jill Munroe doll I had back around 1979 or so.  Give me a break!   I was ten years old and Farrah Fawcett made me feel things I had not felt before.  Between her and the photos of Stevie Nicks on Fleetwood Mac's 'Rumours' album, I was discovering things about myself.  They will always hold a special place in my heart (among other places).  Now it's YouTube videos and Facebook pictures although I will argue that the Farrah Fawcett poster with her in the red bathing suit is as provocative as anything you'll find today.  Anytime I looked at that poster I just knew that she was happy to see me and I was certainly happy to see her. 

Anyway, I'm standing there in the store looking around.  Looking at all the cute little girls and their dolls, smiles a mile wide.  Looking at the well kept mom's.  I would call them MILFs but I think I'm too old for that now.  Looking at the few other fathers in the store, they all shared one thing in common, and that was the look on their face.  You know the look, the one that looks like, "What the hell has happened to my life and why am I paying 20 fucking dollars on a hairdo for a doll?"   As I was taking all this in and still trying to comprehend the fact that I'm about to spend at least 100 bucks on a plastic doll, something occurred to me............

This place is a damn meat market!!!  Now I'm pissed!  Where in the hell was a place like this when I was 10 years old?  Yeah, I had my Farrah Fawcett doll but a growing boy needs more.  He needs friendship and the warm smile of a pretty girl who can actually talk!!  After dwelling on that for a few minutes I decided to take action, because the only thing we can do at this point is live vicariously through our kids, right?  I grabbed my eight year old, Tyler, and told him that he should be going around and getting some girls numbers!!  What?  You don't have a cell phone??  Take mine!!  I'm trying to help you out here.  He was embarrassed.  I don't think he understood how fucking awesome this place was for him!  When he gets into his 40's he will understand. 

Trust me, if I was 8-10 years old right now I would be at that damn store every week!  I mean these are cute girls we're talking about.  They all seemed to come from good stock.  These weren't girls that you needed to get hopped up on Gummy Bears and Mountain Dew to think they are good looking either!  Of course I probably wouldn't have many friends, other than my "Doll" ladies, and my family would probably be trying to figure out what the hell is going on.  "Why does Jonathan keep asking for American Girl Dolls and wants to go to the store every week?"  Yeah, I would be THAT kid.  Laugh all you want but my little black book would be filling up with numbers faster than you could say 'Gold Dust Woman'.  I would make good use of it too.

I'd probably go through at least three extra Big Wheels a year.  I'd be putting some serious mileage on them so I could go see if Jenny can come out and play.  It would have been glorious!

Back to reality.  I'm 42 and I don't think I'm turning back the clock to 10 anytime soon.  I guess us adults should all just take this blog entry as a public service announcement. 

If you have a girl who is into the American Girl Doll scene and you take them to one of these stores, just be on the lookout for those little playas on the prowl. 

If you have a boy who shows a sudden interest in American Girl Dolls and he wants to hit up the store, go and buy him a little black book and a new Big Wheel cause business is about to pick up!!

We'll deal with double standards at a later date.