As I remember it we had an all hands muster outside the building in the parking lot later than normal at 9am. There was a TV in the lobby of the building so on the way out many of us were glued to the news and the reports that a plane had flew into the World Trade Center North Tower. Initial reports were cryptic at best, but the feeling of many people early on were that the plane was possibly a smaller commuter plane. I remember talking to someone about how messed up it was that someone had made this horrible mistake.
We slowly filed outside for quarters and went about our business. As quarters ended and we headed back inside we quickly realized how much things had changed because we now were looking at two towers, both burning now, with black smoke rising up into the air. This was no accident. Within minutes a plane hit the Pentagon.
Soon after we were all gathered into the soundstage area. We still were all in a bit of shock and a state of confusion. At least I was internally. Little did I know at the time that my wife was freaking out and trying to get ahold of me. It was not abnormal for me to have a job to do at the Pentagon. It seemed like almost once a week I was there. Luckily I wasn't that morning but she didn't know that. Phone lines everywhere were just jammed. You couldn't make a call. Eventually we did talk on the phone and I told her I was safe.
Our job was to make news so we all immediately began thinking of what we could do. We were across the Potomac River from the Pentagon and you could see the smoke billowing up from the site, but I wouldnt' be grabbing my camera and headed there that morning. My marching orders were a bit different from that.
I was told to grab my video camera and tripod and get on top of our building. My goal? Point my camera skyward and look for "any other planes that might fall from the sky". We still didn't know if this attack was over yet. I can't tell you how difficult it was being up there. I spent close to four hours on that roof completely cut off from news about the towers or the Pentagon. All I had were my own thoughts and the constant visual of the Pentagon whose smoke was filling the D.C. sky.
I finally got relieved from my "watch". I remember walking down the steps and running into a fellow shipmate. I was starved for some updates so I asked, "How are the towers in NYC?" He said, "There are no more towers." I wasn't sure I heard him right and I clearly remember saying, "What the fuck do you mean there are no more towers?"
"They are gone. Collapsed."
I was absolutely speechless. I couldn't wrap my head around what the fuck was going on. How does this happen? Who did this and how can I kill them? I don't think I'd ever felt the range of emotions I felt that day. Confusion. Fright. Anger. Sadness. You name it.
It was pretty clear that we were going to send a crew to NYC the next morning to start shooting and interviewing people for a story. I knew I wanted to go bad. LCDR Phillips soon made the call and told us that myself and Marine Staff Sergeant Jimmy Williams would drive up first thing in the morning.
Driving into NYC that next day was surreal. Smoke and debris were everywhere. You have no clue how it was seeing it on TV. The debris was the ground was literally six inches think. It didn't even seem like America down there at Ground Zero. I am still grateful for how lucky we were. We wore our camouflage uniforms with our Pentagon badges on it. Regular news crews were forced to setup blocks away from Ground Zero. They had perimeters set up and we'd walk right through those, camera and mics in hand. If a cop or anyone else stopped us we showed our badges and they let us right through. The footage we got down there that week were incredible and the people there had such stories to tell. I'm extremely proud of the work Jimmy and I did down there. It was tough though.
As we were shooting and working it was easy to focus on what we needed to do but there was always part of me that wanted to put my camera down and help. There were so many people there doing everything they could to assist in trying to find survivors. I wanted to help but we had our own place and it was to tell the story.
What some may not realize is how unstable some of the structures around the towers were after the collapse and how unsure many people were about it all. They had set up people at a few sites to monitor adjacent buildings' stability. They had a warning system in place and an alarm would be sounded if they thought another building could collapse. If you heard the alarm you needed to drop what you were doing and haul ass to get out of there.
I can't remember if it was Thursday or Friday that week but we were shooting footage one day and the alarm sounded. I can't explain the feeling you get when you see hundreds of police officers, firemen, military members and volunteers drop what they are doing and start running to get the hell out of there. We ran too. It was scary and still quite surreal.
I think the worst part of that job for me was in the evenings. When I'd get to my hotel room and was left alone with nothing but my thoughts, things got tough. Focusing all my energy each day on white balance, composition, focus, audio levels, etc., kept a lot of feelings at bay. I didn't have that luxury at night. I had time to really think about what I'd seen that day and the stories people had to tell. I just couldn't understand why this was happening and I continued to be quite pissed off about it. I knew what I was doing was important but part of me just wanted to FIX THIS! That's exactly what it was too. I would get overcome with emotion on some nights and would actually look forward to the next morning when I could grab my camera and go do some work. My job helped me cope more than I ever even realized at the time.
I feel honored and lucky to have been stationed where I was during this monumental time in our history. I got a view of all this that many didn't have and I'll be forever grateful for that.
I was thinking earlier about how unfair life is sometimes. It's true. We tell our kids that as a joke when they say, "That's not fair!" But it's true. It's not. It's not fair that there were so many people affected by this cowardly attack. It's not fair that kids grew up without their father or their mother. It's not fair that people had to continue without their brother or their sister. It just wasn't fair and it still pisses me off but we must also truly never forget that day. But don't only remember that day. Remember the people directly affected by it. As tough was it was for me to see everything I saw I'll never pretend to know what people who lost their loved ones go through each and every day.
I promise you that I will NEVER FORGET!
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